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Finally went to see my grandmother last sunday after having been lax in doing so for months. She was in the hospital again. It's was easier to see her there than the nursing home. I just can't stand those places. Hospitals are bad enough, but nursing homes are really oppressive for me.

She's in a lot of pain and she just wants to die. She seems pretty strong, and her eyes were still very alive, but her body just isn't working right any more. She's tired of being trapped in bed in pain. She can't read any more both because she can't sit without pain or hold open a book and she said something about her glasses that I couldn't quite make out. She told me last week she wanted me to shoot her and when I told her I would if I could, but I didn't think they'd let me get away with that, she said she gave me license. The highlight was that she was very happy to have gotten the chance to meet catalyticdragon. It was the happiest I've seen her in quite some time.

By monday, she was "well" enough to go back to the nursing home, but she's in so much pain and has started losing lucidity more frequently of late. Her med orders keep changing at the nursing home and half the time they don't notify my mother about what's going on, so she's(my mother) brought in a hospice worker since the nursing home has been unable to adequately manage her pain. I stopped by briefly on thursday with catalyticdragon, but she was pretty doped up and really only woke up for a minute to say hi. From what my mom has said, it's likely she'll remain pretty drugged as the hospice worker was unsure they'd be able to manage the pain and keep her in any kind of state to be awake and alert. I'm glad I went earlier. It was probably the last time I'll have a conversation with her.

Comments

( 8 comments — Leave a comment )
all_ephemera
Dec. 1st, 2008 08:11 pm (UTC)
*hug*
autumnsshadow
Feb. 5th, 2009 10:31 pm (UTC)
Thanks.
enfantoublie
Dec. 1st, 2008 09:32 pm (UTC)
=( i'm really sorry to hear all of that .. i went through some of it too this year. I'll be sending well wishes and stuff ..
autumnsshadow
Feb. 11th, 2009 04:23 pm (UTC)
Thank you.
imvfd
Dec. 1st, 2008 10:22 pm (UTC)
Wow, that really sucks. But it's good that you managed to see her last Sunday.
ravenways
Dec. 2nd, 2008 02:28 am (UTC)
I'm so sorry you're having to go through that. I understand how difficult protracted hospital/nursing home stays can be for everyone involved. I'm glad that you had someone to go with you. You and your grandmother are in my thoughts.
autumnsshadow
Feb. 13th, 2009 04:59 pm (UTC)
Thank you.
semisweetblend
Dec. 2nd, 2008 02:41 am (UTC)
I'm sorry to hear that. It's upsetting that she and many others have to exist in such a state.
( 8 comments — Leave a comment )